


What Happened Over the Summer

by storiebook



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:27:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23960812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiebook/pseuds/storiebook
Summary: Remus realizes that a lot changes in a few months when you're the ripe age of 16. He's a had a few revelations since he saw his best friends last, one he was eager to tell them, the other he was desperate to hide. However, he was either overthinking or Sirius was sending him some... mixed signals.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 100





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I don’t edit anything. Once I’ve written it, it’s someone else's problem. This time, that someone else is you! Congrats!  
> This is possibly the best writing I've produced in a several months, however I do take constructive criticism!

Something had changed over the summer, Remus realized. He was taller, scrawnier,  _ gay _ er… He hadn’t told his friends yet, though Sirius had come out two years before so he was sure they wouldn’t make a big deal. He just wanted to be sure first. 

He seemed to be unsure about a lot of things lately. It’d been a month since he’d been able to visit the Potter’s house, where Sirius had been staying since five days after last term ended. Peter lived closer to the Potter’s than he did and was able to visit more often than Remus, which made his heart feel like it flipped upside down in his chest. 

He missed his friends dearly, yearned for them. He wrote them often, but it wasn’t the same as their presence.  _ His  _ presence. That had changed to. He denied it still, even to himself sometimes. It was only in darkness, wrapped tightly in a quilt, alone in the quiet, he would admit to himself, only for a moment, that he had developed feelings for his best friend. 

Last year everything was normal, he loved all his friends equally. He would have slotted James and Sirius on the same shelf. That is, until around five days after the last term ended and he realized Sirius meant a little more to him than he had realized.

He had been absolutely livid when he received James’ letter explaining how Sirius had run away, for good this time, and was now living permanently in the Potter’s guest bedroom. He could only imagine what Walburga had done to finally drive Sirius to these measures and all he wanted to do was wring that witch’s neck with his bare hands. He had yelled at his mom until she agreed to drive him immediately to the Potter’s house and stayed there for the next week, sleeping on the floor in Sirius’ new bedroom. 

Now it was September first and he sat anxiously outside of King’s Cross station with his mom and wondered how in the world he was to go on living while head over heels for Sirius Orion Black. 

The four of them were now sixteen, puberty hitting them all, and with great force. As it was at this age, a lot could change in a month. Which is why, finally making his way into the station and discreetly through the barrier onto Platform 9 ¾, his breath caught roughly in his chest as his eyes locked instantly onto the grey eyes of the boy he was newly in love with. 

There was a shiver down his spine as he took him in. His hair was longer than he’d ever seen it before, as if he hadn’t bothered to get a haircut since last term. It fell in waving over Sirius’ ears and loose strands brushed in front of his eyes, causing Remus to yearn to reach out and tuck it out of the way. He was taller than he’d last seen him but still an inch or so shorter than Remus. He was wearing Muggle clothes, which wasn’t unusual for Sirius, his signature leather jacket and band t-shirt paired with a pair of jeans Remus knew he probably spent hours purposely distressing. The view made every inch of him burn with pleasure.

The grin that spread across Sirius’ face was contagious and Remus let out a breath at the familiarity of it. He had decided to act as normal as possible, he and Sirius had a good relationship. He was happy where they were and he didn’t want to risk that changing. 

Sirius threw an arm across his shoulders, shouting, “Alright, Moony?” practically into Remus’ ear. “How’s your August, then?”

James and Peter were standing just next to him, beaming similarly at the appearance of Remus. Remus beamed back at all three of them, happy to be back here with the people he cared most about. He decided he couldn’t keep secrets from them, which had truthfully been apparent since third year when they told him they knew he was a werewolf. Without a second thought, he exclaimed to them, “Well, I’m gay now, so that’s new,” the smile never faltering off his face.

It was accepted as well as he’d imagined, his heart soaring in his chest as James and Peter congratulated him happily and Sirius patted him on the back. He looked over at him, startled as he met his eyes, he’d never seen them so dark before. There was a look in them that Remus couldn’t place, barely having time to take it in before it was gone, replaced with his usual nonchalant grin. Remus tried not to think twice about it but it was hard to analyze every look the person you were in love with gave you. 

They boarded the train, staking their claim on an empty compartment near the front by threatening to hex a couple second years if they didn’t keep moving along. They wouldn’t have, really. They made it a point to hex bigots only; namely, Severus Snape. 

Sirius, still smug after the encounter, waltzed first into the compartment, reaching out behind him as he went. A blush crept over Remus’ face as Sirius’ hand found his wrist and tugged him into the compartment after him and sat them down in adjoining seats, Peter and James taking the seats opposite them. 

Sirius sprawled easily over the seats, an arm thrown over the back, a hair’s breadth away from brushing the back of Remus’ neck, and his legs propped on the seat between the two boys in front of them. Remus realized then that acting normal around him was going to be a lot harder than he’d anticipated. 

He hadn’t realized how much he would want to just… touch him. Not in a sexual way, though he definitely wanted to do that too, but in a casual way. He wanted to lean back into his arm, to entwine his fingers with the hand that hovered just above his shoulder. He couldn’t help but adjust just slightly so that their thighs were pressed together and their knees bumped against each other. Sirius glanced over at him, a ghost of a smile on his lips and his eyes shining in a way that made Remus’ stomach turn inside out. He looked away quickly, unable to control the umpteenth blush that day from alighting first Remus’ neck before crawling quickly into his cheeks.

He balled his fists and buried them deep in his pockets, still pressing his thigh into Sirius’. James was talking but he hadn’t been following a single word of it. He was about to tune in when Sirius’ arm dropped from the back of his seat on his shoulders, his fingers brushing lightly against his collar bone.

The air seemed to be sucked out of the cabin and he could hear his heart beating rapidly in his throat. He had to force himself to breathe in, and then breathing back out seemed to be an even bigger feat. He felt his finger nails digging into his palms and he regulated his breathing as best he could and tried once again to tune into the conversation that all of them but Remus had contributed to.

Truly, this isn’t an unusual occurrence, Sirius’ arm being around him… or James or Peter, sometimes Marlene McKinnon and, rarely ever except that one time, Lily Evans. Sirius was just a touchy guy. But Remus had changed and it felt different now.

He pushed any fantasies from his mind as his deep breaths finally began to calm him down. Although he could feel every inch of Sirius’ skin that touched his like a fire had ignited upon his skin, he was able to begin deciphering words out of the sounds coming out of Peter’s mouth. 

“I dunno about that, McGonagall would probably let Finch hang us by our toenails if she found out it was us…” He was saying. Remus realized, bemused, that James had probably already launched into the details of their next great prank. “And she always knows it’s us!”

“Peter’s right,” he piped up, finally. “She does always know it’s us. No one else would dare target McGonagall  _ herself _ .” If he was honest, Remus suspected that she could always tell the Marauders’ pranks apart from others. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, knowing Sirius would hold it over him for the rest of his life --maybe even after that, but Remus thought that there was no one in school capable of pulling quite as perfect a prank as they did. 

“Doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be so worth it!” Sirius exclaimed, laughing. “And we all know Minnie has a soft spot for me, we’ll be fine! I think she secretly enjoys our pranks.”

It had been a running joke that Professor McGonagall was the love of Sirius’ life, despite the fact that he was gay. Remus secretly thought that McGonagall felt more motherly towards Sirius than anything, and that Sirius viewed her that way as well. 

He knew Mrs. Potter was determined to fill that place in his life, and knew that Sirius loved her to death for it. Remus had noticed that he never complained when Mrs. Potter asked him to do something and never talked back when she was simultaneously reprimanding James and Sirius for something they’d gotten up to. With McGonagall, it was different. The first few months of school, Sirius was a bit scared of McGonagall. Even back then, she always knew when they had been up to something. However, after the third or fourth howler that Sirius’ mother sent, screaming profanities and abuse at Sirius in the middle of the Great Hall during breakfast, McGonagall began to seem less frightening to all four of them. It was a slight change in the way she looked at them all, especially Sirius. Her sternness was not as hard-set as it had been, her punishments not as harsh. It seemed that, in her eyes, Sirius had earned a certain amount of rebellion to slip under her nose. She had put Sirius’ happiness over a little peace and quiet, meaning being lenient on all of them, not just Sirius, because she knew that they, more than anything, made him truly happy. 

McGonagall knew this, and Remus knew this and it only made his love for Sirius grow, his chest straining as if his heart had to grow a bit to make room for more love.

“It’s not like we’re flooding her office! Putting her furniture on the ceiling isn’t going to harm it!” James argued. “I think it’s safe enough, how about it, lads?” His eyes swept between Remus and Peter, Sirius’ participation unquestioned from the beginning. 

It was a classic move, the fact that it would McGonagall’s office is what made it impressive. Remus couldn’t help but smile at the image of McGonagall walking into her office to find the furniture stuck to the ceiling with a Permanent Sticking Charm. Remus then remembered how impressive Sirius’ Sticking Charm was… allegedly having stuck many muggle posters to his bedroom walls so well that neither his mother nor father nor even Kreature could get them down. 

Remus grinned at the idea of McGonagall being bested by Sirius and nodded in agreement if only to see how long it took McGonagall to get it off the ceiling. Peter, being outnumbered now, nodded reluctantly, admitting he's finally perfected his  _ Alohomora _ over the summer, so he could finally do the role the rest of them claimed he was born for, ‘skittering’ on ahead of them to make sure the coast was clear. He did turn into the smallest animal out of them and could slip easily undetected around the halls, as long as he knew Mrs. Norris was at least three floors away. In previous years, however, this had been a useless skill because he always required back up to get the door open.

The rest of the train ride went by much the same, James and Sirius telling about the pranks they’d come up with over the summer, James telling about the new quidditch training regime he’d outlined for the team this season, Peter complaining about how he’d never made the team. Sirius and James tried to console him, telling him he was good, there were just other students who were better. Remus didn’t bother backing them up… Peter really just was no good at flying. Remus could maneuver a broom better than him, though Remus preferred his feet firmly on the ground. 

This went on for a while, Peter self-esteem taking a few reassurances before he, if not believed them, then shut up about it at least. Sirius was tapping his fingers on Remus’ collarbone,  _ one two three four...one two three four… _ It sent shockwaves like ripples in a lake every time one of his fingers met his skin. 

All too soon, Sirius was retracting his arm from around Remus’ shoulders so that he could fetch their robes from their trunks to change. Remus felt his stomach grumble and was glad he was finally back at school, where every meal was practically a feast and a feast was an extravagant, magical event with little fairies floating above the tables, glowing a soft orange and alighting the hall as if they were the stars in the sky. Which were there too, once they entered the hall, the sun had set and the ceiling of the Great Hall reflected the starry sky above. The Welcome feast was Remus’ favorite, even over the Halloween feast. Each year since he was eleven, September first was the happiest day of the year. He was reunited with his friends, his friends who risked their lives just to be there for him every month. He felt safe here, at Hogwarts, where he was accepted for who he was no matter the  _ furry little problem _ . 

This year was no different. As he slid onto a bench as the Gryffindor table and Sirius slammed into his side with a sloppy grin, James and Peter sliding in across from them. Remus felt his heart swell in his chest, a familiar feeling to him now, and the four of them were grinning goofily at each other.

He was hardly aware --definitely aware on some level, just… a bit preoccupied, so hardly aware-- that Sirius hadn’t stopped touching him in some way ever since he’d put his arm around him on the train. He seemed to always be pressed into Remus’ side, dragging him along by the wrist excitedly, or casually slinging his arm around his shoulders again. It was when Sirius finally pulled away to change into pajamas and climb into bed that Remus’ realized he’d become so accustomed to his touch and the lack of it weighed heavily in his bones. 

Sirius had already disappeared beneath his covers by the time Remus slid under his covers. Yet still, not a second after his head hit the pillow, he was hit in the face with a pair of rolled up socks and he heard Sirius call, “Night, Moony,” from across the dorm.


	2. Chapter 2

Remus was showered and dressed before any of his roommates had even dragged their curtains open. He went around and yanked them open one by one, hitting each one of them in face with the pillow Sirius had thrown at him the night before. “Get up!” He yelled at them, finally reaching Sirius’ bed last. He seemed to have heard him coming because he grabbed the pillow and tried to yank it from his grip before it reached his face. 

James and Peter moaned from their beds and while still playing tug-of-war with Sirius over the Pillow, he said, “I want to get my schedule soon so I can stop by the library before class.”

Sirius yanked harder than he expected and the pillow slipped out of Remus’ hands. Sirius hit him in the shoulder with it and barked out, “Nerd,” between laughs.

“Says the guy who managed to become an Animagus at 13.” Remus replied, rolling his eyes even though he couldn’t help smile at him. He turned away and grabbed his bag, heading for the dormitory door. 

“I’ll see you guys in the Great Hall.” He let out a deep breath once he was out in the hall, Sirius hadn’t been wearing a shirt when he opened his curtains. He shook his head to clear it and headed down the stairs and into the common room where he wasn’t surprised to meet Lily and her friends heading the same direction as him.

“Morning, Remus.” She called to him. They converged at the portrait hole and she held it open for him. “Eager as me to get your schedule?”

Remus laughed and stepped out of the common room, thanking her. She stalled to let her catch up and they headed down together, chatting about the classes they wished to take. It seemed, as usual, he’d most likely have more classes in common with Lily than any of the Marauders. Sixth year meant they’d be focusing on subjects geared towards their prospective future professions. Remus wished, truly, to be a professor. In the six years he’d been attending Hogwarts, they never once had a decent Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor. Remus saw this as a challenge. He knew, however, that to become a good teacher meant he needed experience. He had discussed this with McGonagall and she promised she’d inquire with Headmaster Dumbledore about possible apprenticeships with monster hunters, aurors, and the like. It excited Remus to think this opportunity was even real, though Remus knew, with Voldemort’s power growing every day, his experience might just be gained fighting in a war rather than partaking in an apprenticeship. He thought Dumbledore knew this too.

Lily wished to become a healer, meaning they’d be overlapping in everything except Astronomy, where Lily would instead be taking Arithmancy.

It wasn’t yet eight in the morning when they arrived at the Great Hall, the tables nearly deserted. McGonagall was standing at the end of the Gryffindor table, handing schedules to the kids that were already there. Remus and Lily approached her on either side of the table, awaiting their turns. Lily got hers first and then waited to Remus to receive his before finding a place to sit. They sat across from each other towards the front of the Hall and recounted their summers to each other as they began to eat, both glancing regularly at their schedules.

James, Sirius, and Peter all arrived at the same time. Sirius slid in beside Remus, much as he’d done the night before, and James got closer to Lily than he probably should have. In a flash she had her wand shoved between his ribs while he grinned at her. 

“Good morning, Lily.” He said, ignoring the sharp pain in his side. “How was your summer?”

“Good morning, James.” She replied, with an eye roll. She smiled at Remus and said, “See you later,” before sliding down the bench to where her girl friends were now congregating. 

“Hopeless,” Sirius commented. 

“At least he didn’t ask her out this time,” Remus replied, spreading butter onto a piece of toast, which was promptly taken from him by Sirius. He tried to snatch it back but Sirius had already taken a bite and raised his other arm to block Remus’ advances.

“Thanks, Moony,” He said, taking another bite. “Next time, put some jam on it too.”

“Har, har,” Remus replied, elbowing him in the side before reaching for another piece of toast. He could tell how close the full moon was by how much room there was in his stomach for food. He couldn’t seem to get enough. It was less than a week away and he dreaded it more with every second that passed. 

He could feel the wolf rising in him as the week passed, waiting just below the surface as the moon began to fill out. He had to elbow James in the side several times for howling at the moon out of the common room window whenever he caught Remus’ grimacing at it over his textbooks. 

Remus was still aware of every time Sirius touched him and it seemed to be more and more the closer they got to the moon. The touches were different, however. Instead of a friendly arm around his shoulder or their thighs being pressed together due to how close they sat, they were a reassuring tap on the hand or a squeeze on his shoulder. They told him, ‘It’s going to be okay,’ or, ‘We’re here for you.’ They told him that he’s not alone. Each one made Remus’ heart skip a beat and he was both eternally grateful and hopelessly in love. He found himself gazing at Sirius more than he did at the moon, these days.

The full moon was on a Wednesday, meaning Remus was excused to classes for the rest of the week. His body began to ache in the night and he woke up with his muscles on fire. It must’ve been near nine because he heard his roommates bustling back into the room from breakfast to grab their school bags. 

Someone set something down on his bedside table and then there was a strip of light washing over his face as the curtain was pulled back just enough for an eye to poke through. “Morning, Moony.” Sirius half-whispered to him, pulling the curtain back a bit more when he saw he was awake. “I brought you some food. Let us know if you need something, okay?”

Remus groaned in thanks and wished he was able to show his gratitude in a more substantial way but the coming moon seemed to be strong this month and was in too much pain to think straight. He didn’t remember them leaving, but they must have because the next thing he knew they were back and his curtains were finally being pulled back all the way.

He sat up in bed and slipped on his shoes, letting James throw an old, black cloak over his shoulders. This is the cloak he wore every month to the Shrieking Shack. He would strip naked below it and wear it until his transformation took over, and it was there when he awoke to cover himself with once more. Before he could begin to stand, Sirius and Peter were at his sides, grabbing him under his shoulders to help support him. He wondered how he had been lucky enough to meet such wonderful friends. 

The four of them no longer fit underneath the invisibility cloak at one time so Peter and James pressed together underneath it and left Remus in the care of Sirius with the Marauder’s Map, checking the coast was clear before leading him out of the castle. It was five minutes to seven and it was hard to avoid the students milling about the grounds, but the Marauders had long since learned the most discreet routes to the willow and they met no one along their journey. 

Peter was there waiting for them, a fat rat lingering by the base of the willow. As they approached, he scurried up and stood on the knot next to the tunnel, making the branches freeze in place so that Sirius and Remus could slip easily below the tree. Peter slipped in behind them, not bothering to transform back, and they made their way to the shack where they met James, lounging on the dusty, broken bed in the master bedroom. 

Sirius sat down next to him and pulled Remus after him. They still had three quarters of an hour before the moon was risen enough to trigger his transformation. He felt every passing minute like a punch to the gut. They all sat in silence as the time passed, Peter loitering near the door in rat form. Remus knew he was still afraid of the shack, unable to brave it in human form. Not only was he afraid of the shack, he was afraid of Remus. 

Remus didn’t blame him, he thought James and Sirius ought to be just as cautious during the full moon. Instead, they waited to transform until the very last minute, as always. 

Ever since third year, when they first began accompanying Remus to the shack, he made them wait in another room while the transformation took place. He had to strip naked and endure more pain than he wished for his friends to see him in, so he made them promise to stay away until it was over.

Sirius fought this every month. He thought Remus needed someone there to hold his hand through the pain. What was the point of them being there if not to be with him? In six years he had never let him stay. James had to force him out with his antlers a few times, on particularly bad moons when Remus’ pain was more visible. Remembering this, Remus wondered why’d it’d taken him so long to realize that he loved Sirius more than anyone else in the world. 

Remus knew by the set of his jaw as the moon finally peaked through the boarded up window and onto the group of friends that Sirius was going to fight again tonight. James was standing as Remus clenched his jaw, feeling the wolf beginning to take over. In an instant, he was a beautiful stag with sharp antlers. Peter had already scurried from the room and James and Sirius met eyes, the stag nodding in the direction of the door. Sirius looked over at Remus and pushed at Sirius’ shoulder. “Go, you know how I feel about you guys being in here.” It was more words than Remus thought he’d be able to get out but Sirius was still sitting there, in human form, clenched fists digging into his thighs. 

“Remus, please--”

Remus didn’t let him finish, gathering all his strength and pushing Sirius up from the bed. He nearly passed out from the pain as his bones began to break, one by one, to reshape his body. James was leading Sirius out with his antlers once more and Remus slammed the door behind them. 

Somewhere between sprouting paws and growing fur, Remus fell unconscious. He awoke on the bed in the shack with his tattered black robe covering his body. He was alone save for a large black dog curled up next to him on the bed. 

“Go on, then,” Remus croaked out. “You don’t want Pomfrey finding you here.”

The dog gave a quiet whimper and nudged Remus’ hand with his snout. 

“I’m fine.” Remus said, even though every muscle in his body was screaming the opposite. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

It had been decided in fourth year that the boys weren’t allowed to visit Remus in the hospital wing the day after the full moon, otherwise they’d skip their classes to stay with him all day. Sirius still did, sometimes, and Remus had a suspicion that this would be one of those months. 

Reluctantly, it seemed, the large dog hopped from the bed and pranced back down the tunnel towards the castle. He awoke again in the hospital wing, the sun shut out by curtains drawn tight by Madame Pomfrey so that he could rest. She had left three cups on his bedside table with a note to drink all of them once he awoke again. He did so promptly, feeling ten times better once he consumed the last one. 

He then noticed the dog curled at his feet, eyes closed and breaths slow and steady. He nudged the dog with his foot and suddenly Sirius was sitting with his legs hanging over the edge of the bed, eyes boring into Remus. 

“Shouldn’t you be in class.”

“I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m always okay, and you’re not supposed to be here today.”

Sirius pursed his lips. “Who am I to follow the rules, though, eh?” He said.

Remus nudged his thigh with his foot. “Go to class, Pads. I’ll see you at breakfast.”

Poppy Pomfrey was a genius and she had the art of taking care of Remus down to a T. No matter how bad the moon was, she had him out of the hospital wing twenty-four hours. Which Remus was eternally grateful for. Though he was excused from classes the next day as well, he was glad he could spend his time somewhere else.

For the second time that day, Remus watched as a large black dog reluctantly pranced from view. He smiled to himself as he laid back down on his pillow and fell asleep once more. 

He slept most of the day, which meant he was restless during the night. Now that the full moon had passed, he began to think about Sirius, something he’d not had time to do for nearly a week. Every moment he’d missed over the last week came flooding to him that night. He remembered every morning, sitting next to Sirius at breakfast, their thighs pressed together in a way that had seemed to become familiar over the past fortnight. He saw every smirk or smile that Sirius had thrown his way, every time he had laughed. He especially saw every time Sirius tapped his hand or his shoulder or his knee, every time he gave him that look, the one he’d known since third year. This look meant, ‘I know you’re hurting,’ and ‘I wish I could help.’

When his friends had to go to class, Sirius was protesting once more. “I’ll skip classes, so you don’t have to spend the day alone.” He suggested.

“I’m just going to spend it in the library, catching up. Honestly, Sirius, go to class.” Remus replied. Sirius opened his mouth to retort but Remus cut him off before he could. “I already know you skipped yesterday and McGonagall will give you infinite detentions if you miss anymore, I’m sure.” 

Sirius didn’t argue, most likely because it was true and McGonagall had already reprimanded him about it. 

So Remus spent the day alone in the library, in a dark corner at a desk piled with books. He finished the make-up work that Lily had given him before scouring books about Venomous Tentacula to gather information for a theoretical prank that James had pitched to them on the train.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some epic avoidance and denial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing is googling “unsuredness” and searching for an equivalent for ten minutes before settling on “circumspection” which, while really cool, sounds like the most “googled synonyms to sound smart” kind of word that it makes me so angry. Anyway, this is the last chapter because I’ve been blocked and can’t stick to one piece and don’t want to make you guys suffer. And by “you guys” I mean the one person who probably cares. Thanks for reading! Enjoy.

Remus did his best to avoid Sirius the rest of week. Seeing him so worried after the moon, seeing him fight once more to stay with him during the change, and every time he smiled made Remus’ feelings grow at a rate that Remus didn’t know was possible. He needed a break from Sirius, to regather his bearings and convince himself once more that Sirius didn’t like him as anything other than a friend.

It was true, Remus was sure. Remus knew how undesirable he was. Not only was he an actual Dark Creature, but he had the scars to show for it. His face was marred with raised, pale streaks cutting into his cheek and across his nose. There was barely a smooth piece of skin on him, which wasn’t exactly very sexy. Sirius was sure to go for someone more good-looking, like himself. With his hair growing slowly shaggier, Sirius was the poster boy for rugged bad boys. He never tucked in his shirt or did his tie up right, he was tall and, however inbred the Black line may have been, he’d been blessed with the face of an angel. Remus would never be good enough for him.

Avoiding Sirius proved difficult. Remus got up early in the mornings, dressed and out of the dorm room before any of the other Marauders stirred. He wouldn’t return to the room until late in the night and he ate all his meals in the kitchens. However, he still had most classes with Sirius and his friends had obviously noticed his strange absences. 

“Is this where you’ve been all week?”

Remus was in the library, at a table in the back corner with a pile of books precariously stacked next to him. Remus felt his heart lurch into his throat at the words and it took all his strength not to look up at Sirius. “Yes,” He lied. The truth was he’d also been avoiding the library, in case, like now, Sirius sought him out there. He’d been spending most of his time in the Room of Requirement. He needed somewhere to hide and the room was more than happy to provide him with a small sitting room and fireplace to spend his days in. He found himself in the library now because of a particularly difficult transfiguration spell that McGonagall was having them write an essay over. 

Sirius tapped his fingers on the table and Remus pretended to be reading a passage out of  _ Advanced Transfiguration _ but he couldn’t seem to focus on any of the words enough to actually read them. Sirius leaned over and peaked at the notes in front of Remus, his eyebrows knitting together at the title. “That essay isn’t due for another two weeks.” He commented.

“I just wanted to get started early, since it’s such a complicated spell and all.” He lied again. He’d had nothing better to work on and had gotten bored with nothing to do. Life becomes quite dull when you hide from your friends for a week.

“Well, leave it for later. Let’s go down to the lake or something.”

“Where are James and Peter?” Remus asked. “Why don’t you go down with them?”

“Because I don’t want to go down to the lake with them.” Sirius said. Remus didn’t quite understand what he meant by this but it made the tips of his fingers tingle and he felt a blush creeping up his neck. “I haven’t seen you in forever because you’ve apparently been holed up here doing homework that hasn’t barely even been assigned… Come down to the lake with me.”

When Remus imagined Sirius finally finding him, he imagined he’d be seeking him out for help with some prank or other, not because he just wanted to… hang out. He expected him to have James and Peter in tow, for Sirius to be his loud and boisterous self with nought but a scheme on his mind. Instead, Remus was met with calm, friendly Sirius who just wanted to spend time with him because Remus had been literally running the other direction from him for a week.

Along with the overwhelming adoration in his heart, he felt guilt in his stomach and anxiety in his bones. Sirius was his friend, he shouldn’t be so cold towards him just because he can’t control his feelings. However, the prospect of spending the afternoon alone by lake with only Sirius scared the shit out of him.

Dear god, why did he have to be in love with Sirius Black of all people?

So he found himself lounging against the large beech tree a few yards from the black lake, with Sirius sprawled out next to him. Remus watched fondly as Sirius bewitched dandelions to float above his head and drop their petals one by one. There were a few yellow petals stuck in Sirius' hair and it was excruciating for Remus to not lean over and gently pluck them out.

“How is this better than doing McGonagall’s essay?” Remus asks, picking fallen petals from the ground and fanning them between his fingers as if trying to put the flower back together. “At least I was doing something productive then.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and kicked at Remus’ ankle with his foot. “It’s nice out here. You only don’t like it because you’re just sitting there! Go talk to the squid, if you’re that bored.”

Sirius could sit out here for hours doing absolutely nothing. Remus never understood it. He remembered many days lounging here with the Marauders, James and Peter playing with that annoying snitch James had stolen and Sirius dipping his toes in the water or bounding around as Padfoot or charming things around him while Remus read or just simply watched in silence.

Another week passes and Remus stops avoiding his friends. Lily approaches him about his absences at meals and in the common room but he brushed her off with the same excuse he’d used with Sirius, though she didn’t seem as convinced. 

“Are you avoiding someone?” She’d asked, and he worried if she could see his heartbeat through his shirt. He knew Lily probably wouldn’t tell anyone but what would she think? Sirius was worse than James!

“Absolutely not, why would I be avoiding anyone?” With that, he’d dashed out of the common room and arrived for Defence half an hour early because of it. 

He was excited for their lesson today and he skimmed the book eagerly as he waited. They were to learn the Patronus Charm, which had always intrigued him immensely. He wondered if his would be a werewolf. The animal was supposed to manifest based on your personality and emotions, so it only made sense. He knew the Marauders would most likely mirror their Animagus forms.

This year, they were being taught by a woman named Wendella Robbins, who had spent the first ten years after her graduation from Hogwarts hunting and capturing rare Dark Creatures and Curses for research purposes. Rumor was she’d been the one to find and disarm the Basano Vase and had once caught and caged a Typhon. The students were happy to finally have a Defence professor who seemed at least half competent. 

The rest of the Marauders arrived together, crowding around Remus in the hallway. James was talking a mile a minute about how he’d spoken to Lily and she hadn’t insulted him once!

“Sounds like real progress.” Remus deadpanned, exchanging an amused look with Sirius. Just then, Professor Robbins welcomed them into the classroom and began to prepare them for practicing the Patronus Charm. 

For spellcasting purposes, the desks were vanished from the room and each student was to stand alone, not too close to any other student, to attempt the charm. They seemed to arrange themselves much as the desks had been, so that Remus stood with a five foot radius around him, Peter to his left, and James and Sirius just behind them. 

There a minute or two allocated so the students could think of a memory and Remus rifled quickly through his head for a happy memory. There were many that came to mind in the last six years but he finally chose the day, in third year, when his friends had first accompanied him on the night of the full moon. 

From there, casting the charm was easy. His friends made him happiest, they always did, and the fact that they’d become animagi for him, to help him and be there for him, was the best thing to ever happen to him. He hadn’t expected to cast a corporeal Patronus on his first try… Professor Robbins had even warned them that no one may achieve a corporeal Patronus on the first day. But there, sprouting from his wand in a blue mist, was a familiar shaggy dog who bounded around the room happily. 

It took Remus a moment to register what this meant and he turned as the dog bounded behind him. This turned out to be a bad idea for as soon as he turned, his eyes met Sirius who was fixated on the dog with great wonder in his eyes. His mouth fell open slightly and he turned to meet Remus’ eyes. 

The shock that Sirius’ gaze caused finally pulled Remus from his position and he ran for the door without a thought, the Patronus Padfoot disappearing behind him. His heart was beating in his head and he couldn’t quite register where he was going until he was there. Right back where he started hiding, the Room of Requirement once again became the small sitting room, fire alight and a fresh box of chocolates on the side table. He quickly shut the door behind him and sank as far into the armchair as he could, wishing to disappear into it completely. He wondered if the Room of Requirement could do that for him, make him disappear. It’s supposed to provide whatever you need. But, Remus’ supposes it cannot affect the person directly, only through rooms or objects.

Remus hadn’t looked long enough to know what Sirius’ expression said when he’d looked at him. He didn’t know if he was happy or confused or disgusted. In fear of rejection, he’d run, risking a good outcome to prevent a bad one. Typical Remus. 

Everything was going to change now, he knew. He couldn’t avoid Sirius forever, they shared a dorm afterall. He contemplated sleeping in the armchair, or on the rug in front of the fire, but he knew he should go back to the dormitory. 

Sirius curtains were pulled tightly shut when he arrived at half past midnight. Peter and James were asleep in their beds, and Remus was free to change and tuck in in solitude.

When he woke up, Sirius was gone, his schoolbag gone with him. Remus had to tell himself again and again not to search for him, he was avoiding him after all, so what if Sirius was avoiding him back. 

He saw him later in Transfiguration, but he sat himself as far across the room as possible and left in a hurry, lost in the crowd of students. Remus couldn’t help but feel hurt. He had tried to avoid rejection, but it had found him anyway. Sirius obviously wanted nothing to do with him now that he knew Remus had feelings for him. Remus tried not to care, but that night he found himself curled up in the armchair in the Room of Requirement sobbing softly into the throw pillow. 

And so the week went, with Remus spending his free time in the Room of Requirement and Sirius avoiding him better than he had ever avoided Sirius. 

In Defence Against the Dark Arts the following week, they were still working on the Patronus Charm. Remus was no longer able to produce even a light blue mist. He was just getting tired of even trying when his ears perked up at Professor Robbins’ voice, “Mr. Black, I haven’t yet seen you try.”

Sirius, for a moment too short for anyone but Remus and probably James to realize, looked like a deer caught in headlights. However, he gathered himself quickly and took on an air of uncaring as he raised his wand mumbled, “ _ Expecto patronum _ .” A small stream of light shot from his wand, but it fizzled out just before it could take on a corporeal form. 

With that, Professor Robbins seemed satisfied enough, so with a sharp, “Keep practicing, Mr. Black,” she moved along to the next student. Remus continued to watch him out of the corner of his eye and noted that he did not, in fact, keep practicing. Instead, he seemed to get into a semi-heated argument with James. 

A few of their words carried over and Remus listened in earnest.

“She’s gonna give you a shit grade, Padfoot!” James was half-yelling at Sirius, hands on his hips.

“It can’t be here, James.” Sirius said back evenly, glancing around the room. He briefly met eyes with Remus, making all the air in the room suddenly disappear, before turning back to James and saying something Remus couldn’t hear.

He felt uncomfortable in his own skin for the rest of class and when the bell rang, he was the first one out the door. He went straight up to the seventh floor and sank once more into the plush armchair. He stayed there the rest of the afternoon, missing lunch and Herbology.

He was half asleep in the chair, his head resting against a slightly damp throw pillow, when he was jolted to his feet by the sound of someone knocking on the door. Well, he thought, the wall that would reveal itself as a door if he chose to open it. 

He tentatively approached the wall and listened for a sign of who was outside. There was another knock, softer this time, and then a voice said something on the other side. Remus pressed his ear to the door so he could hear what was said. 

Another knock. Then, “Remus?” The voice was startlingly close, as if Sirius was pressed up against the wall just as Remus was. “I know you’re in there. I know this is where you come when you’re avoiding me.”

Remus is shocked for a moment. Was he that obvious? He supposed his part in the Marauders was more due to his brains rather than his talent for stealth. 

“Let me in, I have to show you something.” His voice had become faint through the wall but Remus could feel it reverberate through the door.

Remus opened the door. For a moment, they only stood there. Remus saw Sirius’ chest rise and fall with a deep breath and found himself mimicking him. Remus’ shoulders felt heavy with his circumspection, he was deeply afraid that Sirius was going to tell him that he didn’t feel the same way and that he was now too uncomfortable to be friends with him. 

He had barely stepped aside before Sirius was pushing past him into the small sitting room. Remus had barely a chance to turn around before a bright blue streak of light burst from Sirius’ wand and formed a large wolf. Remus stared. It’s snout was snorter than a normal wolf and the eyes, though an unfamiliar shimmering blue, seemed familiar. 

“ _ Expecto patronum _ ,” Remus muttered. He needn’t think of a memory this time. This might be the happiest moment of his life. If he wasn’t mistaken, the wolf in front of him was a Patronus form of, well, himself. 

Padfoot leapt from his wand, shining in a shimmering blue mist. He bounded forward and nuzzled himself next to the wolf. 

Sirius lowered his wand slowly, the wolf disappearing as he did, and Remus did the same. When Sirius turned to him, his eyes were wide and he was breathing hard. “I’ve been working on that all week. You were so embarrassed in class, and I knew if I could produce one that it’d be you and then you wouldn’t have to be embarrassed anymore because you’d know that I feel the same way that I love you too, Remus, and I worked night and day and Professor Robbins helped, too because when I told her what it was for she kind of smiled and nodded and the--”   
Remus had planted his hand firmly over Sirius’ mouth. The words had come out all in one breath and Remus was afraid he might die of oxygen deprivation. When Sirius’ mouth finally went still beneath his hand, he removed it and lowered it back to his side. 

“You love me?”

Sirius balks at this. “Of course. That’s the only way my Patronus could be you, couldn’t it?”

“But… You knew, before? You knew it’d be me?” He spoke slowly, almost at a whisper. He didn’t quite understand what was happening. How long had Sirius been in love with him? “Why didn’t you say?”

“I was afraid you wouldn’t like me back, you idiot. You’re not the only one allowed to be anxious.”

Remus didn’t know how to reply or what to think. He stood still, his arms limp at his sides and his mouth hanging open slightly. He must look like a fool, he thought. But then, Sirius was closing the gap between him and he forced himself to move, to kiss back. 

The kiss felt like heaven, and it felt like clarity. He loved Sirius. And, to hell if he didn’t quite believe it, Sirius loved him back.

And they lived happily ever after, The End.


End file.
